Two Years

As I was procrastinating studying for finals this morning, I decided to revisit this blog. I can't believe it has been two years since I last posted. As I read through the blog posts, I couldn't help but think how different I am now and how much has changed over the course of the past two years. In two short years I have experienced love, hate, fake cancer, betrayal to the extreme, wrestling old demons, a change of schools, being accepted into the accelerated master's program, visiting Australia, getting an eyebrow piercing, getting two more tattoos, my 21st birthday....the list continues on.

So where am I two years later?

Puggy is still my little girl, although she is a lot bigger now. I am still obsessive about my grades. I know a little French. :) I am following my passion (without regard to the economy). I am more assertive. I don't let people walk all over me. I still wrestle with God everyday. I have lost religion, but I am finding faith. I still don't know what I want to do as a career, but I am okay with that. I have a Jedi council who gets me through all major life decisions. I have a best friend who refuses to leave or give up on me no matter how bad it gets. I still throw the occasional pity party, but overall, I am happy.

Oh Yes, I Do Whatever the Fortune Cookie Tells Me To Do

If you know me, you know that I have really been struggling with what I want to do with my life. For a long time, I had my mind dead set on culinary arts. I was going to be a chef. Then over the summer I started to question whether that was really the career for me. I didn't pay my doubts much thought though because I hadn't even taken any culinary classes yet. "Give it a semester." That's all I heard from everyone I talked to. Well, now the semester is almost up, and I am fairly certain that I don't want to be a chef anymore.

But if not a chef, then what? This question has been haunting me for weeks. I cannot deal with the uncertainty of not knowing what to do with my life. I was really torn. On one hand, I really didn't want to be a chef anymore. On the other, after this semester, I will already be half way there towards my A.A.S. degree in culinary arts. Plus, I know I can probably get a fairly good paying job right out of college, and it could always be my back up. Despite all of these positives, the plain and simple fact is that I am not happy in the culinary arts program. Sure I love to cook, but each day I am in class it only reminds me of the fact that I don't want to cook for a living.

After days of being torn on the subject, I had a plan. I was going to get the culinary degree as a back up and then get the A.A. transfer degree at the same time so I could have all my general eds out of the way for my bachelor's no matter what I decided on. Perfect plan, right? Wrong. You see, I looked up the A.A. program and it was going to be an additional 30 credit hours besides all of the hours for my A.A.S. degree. In other words, it was an extra year at OTC. Ugh. I knew I couldn't do that.

So what do I do? I started looking at other possible careers and the one career that stuck with me was psychology. I just felt like I was being pushed in that direction. I prayed about it every night, asking God to provide me some direction. I thought about becoming a Christian counselor for teens. I still couldn't decide on anything yet though. Part of me couldn't just leave all of the culinary classes I have taken in the dust. Plus, could I really be guaranteed a job in the psychology field right after college? This question scared me too.

With all of that weighing heavily on my shoulders, I went home one weekend and ate Chinese food with my best friend. Once the meal was done, I cracked open my fortune cookie and it read, "Do not play for safety. It's the most dangerous thing in the world." I gasped as I read it. It fit me perfectly. I was viewing the culinary career as a back up, a safety net, so to speak. But the thing was, it was not making me happy. I have to do what makes me happy even if that means taking a risk.

So with the wise words of my fortune cookie still close at heart, I researched into the psychology program at Missouri State. Looking at all of the classes, it is very exciting. Plus, for the degree I would have to have a minor. I can minor in religious studies, which fits what I want to do perfectly.

I was very excited about all of my findings and revelations, but I still wasn't sure. I continued to pray every night about it. Then I realized one day that everytime I thought about the psychology path, I had a sense of peace about it that I never experienced with the culinary arts career. I am content with it.

So what is the plan now? The plan is to trust God. I am a horrible life planner. I never get it right. For now I am planning to get my A.A. transfer degree at OTC and then go on to get my bachelor's in psychology with a minor in religious studies at Missouri State. If there is one thing I have learned though, it is to not let your plans be concrete because it is almost certain that they will change. For now I will trust God to guide me and of course, continue to do whatever fortune cookies tell me to do. :D

It has been WAY too long since I have blogged

I have been meaning to blog for days, but I just haven't had the time. It seems like everytime I think I will have a moment to blog, something comes up that I have to do. But today I decided that no matter what, I was going to sit down and write. Writing is so theraputic for me. I have literally been going crazy these past few days without writing. But anyway....now for an update on my life since it has been so long since I last wrote. ; )

Well, for starters I have a lot of homework to do with midterms being this week. I have a test I need to study for, two online quizzes to take, and I need to clean my apartment. I haven't got any new tattoos in the last few days although I have considered it. I have $13.00 left in my checking account and I am praying my bright flight money will arrive soon. I still have no clue what to do with my life. I am absolutely thrilled that gas is now. $2.46 a gallon. I have been on a banana kick lately and have eaten several a day. I have also been on a Funyun kick, but I do not eat the bananas and Funyuns together...ewww. My academic future plans are being reduced to a pile of rubble before my eyes (I will probably end up expanding on this in another post). Puggy has destroyed one pair of my flip flops. I got a sweet Darth Vader mask while yard saling on Saturday. I also bought the Oregon Trail game. I beat the Yoshi's Island game on my Super Nintendo on Sunday, and I made it to level four on the Lion King. I need to do dishes. I need a vacation. My cold is getting better. I am stoked to be going to Willow this weekend. I love the fall weather. I can't wait for it to get even colder...like upper 50's for a high. Finally, I am thinking about getting up from the recliner I got for free to get some Dr. Pepper out of the fridge.

And that, is the update of my life. :D

Happy Labor Day!

Happy Labor Day to all my avid blog readers...yes that means you Dallas and Sweet Casey....and anyone else who happens to be stopping by! : )

I don't have much else to say today...I have been working on my stupid nutrition homework, and it is frying my brain. It's not hard. I just have a hard time staying focused, especially when facebook is calling my name. : )

Anything else new in my life? Nope. College is still slowly sucking out my soul. I still don't know what to do with my life. Puggy is still just as rowdy as ever. I need to clean my apartment. My car is filthy and needs gas. Yep, everything is the same as always in the wonderful world of Jordan! : D

A Sleepy Farewell

This morning while most of the United States was sleeping, Amber, Chelsea, and I got up to depart from the absolutely gorgeous beach in Gulf Shores. We woke up around 4:30, got ready and took off. Although I truly did miss my family and Puggy, I couldn't help but feel a slight bit of sadness as I watched the beach disappear in the rear view mirror.

The past few days on the beach served as an escape for me. I didn't have to deal with anyone's problems or even my own. I could just forget all of them and relax. I enjoyed the chance to write and to just sit back, watching the waves roll in. Leaving the beach meant I would have to enter back into the real world. With a final glance back, I said goodbye to my vacation and to my summer. Heading back to Missouri meant that it is time to start college and make something of myself. I am looking forward to it, but I will definitely miss the carefree nights on the beach.

Fight the Waves? Or Retreat to the Shore?

Amber, Chelsea, and I arrived in Gulf Shores around three thirty this afternoon. Ever since then I have been taking in all that it has to offer me. I am so happy to be here. Traveling to Gulf Shores has given me a chance to escape the everyday routine of my life, and I can finally get a chance to just breathe and think. The moon reflecting on the ocean is so beautiful right now. I could live like this forever.

Today when we arrived at our condo which is located across the street from the beach, I demanded that we go walk on the beach. After settling in, we crossed the street and surveyed the ocean. Immediately I wanted to jump in the water, but seeing as I was fully clothed, I couldn't just jump in. I asked if we could come back later on around sunset and they agreed.
A couple hours later, we were back on the beach and ready to swim. During those two hours, we visited a surf shop where I bought a boogie board to play with. Upon arriving at the beach, I immediately dove in and started to try to ride the waves. Chelsea also ventured out with me while Amber stayed by the shore. I ran out full speed with my boogie board attached to my wrist, ready to take on any waves.

I haven't been to the beach for nine years, so obviously I couldn't remember everything about it, and one of those things was the fact that the waves are so strong. Paddling out on my boogie board and occassionally jumping waves as I tried to walk, I fought for every bit of ground. It seemed like for every four feet I traveled away from the shore, the waves carried me back five. But I was determined to make it.

As I fought with every ounce of strength I had, I couldn't help but think how similar to life my water situation was. In life we fight so hard to make it, yet every time we feel we are making progress, something happens that throws us back. After that happens, we are left with a choice. Do we just give up and head back to shore, or instead, do we keep fighting for every inch of ground we gain hoping to eventually reach our goal? As for me, I fought my way out. It took a long time to reach my destination, and I got many bumps and bruises along the way, but I reached my goal. I definitely enjoyed my time in the ocean today and I can't wait to do it tomorrow.

Who Needs a Paper Shredder When You Have a Pug?

Today was the dreaded apartment cleaning day. I hate cleaning, but it had to be done. The mess was starting to get out of control. I had no dishes left to eat off of, the was spaghetti sauce molding in a pan, and I had nothing left to wear after today. So with trash bag in one hand and a dust rag in the other, I started on the long task ahead of me. I started to pick up all the scraps of paper and cotton stuffing that was on the floor. It covered the entire floor of my bedroom, and if you have ever seen my "junior suite," you know that the whole apartment is my bedroom. Puggy may be a small dog, but she can out shred any paper shredder I have ever seen. My mom bought her a toy bug less than a week ago, and now all the cotton stuffing has been ripped out. Puggy triumphantly trots around the apartment with her deflated bug in her mouth. If there is any paper on the floor, you can bet within five minutes it will be in at least one hundred pieces. Somehow she manages to find things to rip up that I didn't even know existed.

As I was picking up shreds of newspaper off the floor today, I looked up on the bed and saw that Puggy was in the middle of shredding a French fry box from McDonalds. There were pieces all over my bed. I yelled at her to stop, and she just looked at me as if asking, "Are you talking to me?" She continued to rip up the box until I took it from her. I told her she was lucky that she is cute or else she would have been thrown out a long time ago. This is our life together. Every day she makes a mess of something, and every day I clean it up and tell her how lucky she is. All of the ripped up paper and cardboard may be annoying, but I love my little paper shredder with all my heart. I wouldn't trade her for any other dog in the entire world.

The Humor of an Evening Drive

Driving has always been my escape. I love nothing more than to get in my car and cruise around town with no destination in mind. As I drive, listening to my music, occasionally singing along I am given a chance to ponder my life and the direction it is heading. Some days I drive to escape the boring confines of my apartment, and other days I have real issues to contemplate. Today was the latter. As the gas gauge slowly dropped, I thought about my future and what lie ahead for me. Lately I have been plagued with a sense of insecurity in my decisions about my education and future career. Thankfully yesterday I had a chance to discuss my problems with my former English teacher, mentor, and friend. She advised me to explore the world of nonfiction writing, and I am very excited at the prospect of writing for a living. I know it will be difficult, but I think I am up for the challenge. For now, I am going to stick with my plans to go to culinary school this fall, but I will definitely keep writing a priority in my mind.
Anyway, back to my drive through Springfield today. As I continued to drive, passing several businesses along the way, I saw a sign that caught my attention. It read “Ink Slingers: Home of the $35.00 tattoo.” Well, I am not a tattoo artist by any means, but to me any tattoo shop that advertises a cheap tattoo is not one worth going to. Tattoos are on your body for life, so I would think bargain shopping is not the objective. But who am I to talk? After all, my wrist tattoo was only $32.00 after tax. But I guess you have to keep in mind that I got my tattoo in Mountain Home, Arkansas rather than Springfield, Missouri. Everything is more expensive in Springfield.
Driving further down the road, I saw another sign that caught my eye. This time it was a billboard. It showed a picture a young girl smiling with a glass of chocolate milk in her hand. Under her the sign read, “Chocolate Milk: The official sport drink.” Just the thought made me want to puke. Take a moment and think about it. You are a sports star, gearing up for your next fierce competition. You are trying to get pumped for the game, so you grab a drink from the refrigerator that is sure to hydrate you. What do you envision grabbing? Is it a Gatorade or possibly a PowerAde, both of which have been proven to provide you with the electrolytes necessary to give you the energy to win? That’s what I would envision, but no, according to this billboard, the magical drink you are reaching for is chocolate milk. Just the thought of drinking a cup of chocolate milk before rigorous physical activity makes me want to hurl. I would think that anyone drinking milk before a race would be caught thinking the famous words of Will Farrell in Anchorman, “Milk was a bad choice.” But maybe that’s just me.

So with that final sickening thought of milky bliss, I ceased my evening drive. I ended my drive without figuring out what I want to do with my life, but I did get a chance to breathe. I had a chance to escape my life and look at it from an outsider’s perspective, and I had a chance to enjoy some humorous sights along the way.